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Wings Like A Shield Of Steel

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

Successful correspondence with this unique and fascinating item could earn you access to a charming and endearing product - treat it within the manufacturers' guidelines outlined below and a lifetime of friendship filled with fun and laughter could be yours...

The following critical facts should help to ensure your BuckTarbrush remains in full working order - failure to follow these instructions may result in invalidation of warranty.

Fact #1 - Never feed mushrooms (including related fungal products such as toadstools, truffles or athletes foot powder) - this will result in catastrophic sickness and probable total internal failure of your unit.

Fact #2 - Water occasionally with Italian white wine (Orvieto comes highly recommended) or Spanish reds. Belgian beers such as Leffe or Duvel have also been noted to have a positive effect. However, do not be tempted to water with milk (see Fact #1 for possible consequences). Note: other dairy products are acceptable and in many instances welcomed - it's just a weird milk-thing he has.

Fact #3 - Most foodstuffs will ensure continued operation of your module, however the following have been found to enhance performance - Spaghetti Carbonara, Chicken Saag, Thai Green Curry, crispy chilli chicken, most pizzas (hold the anchovies), or a hearty beef stew and dumplings - if you're good to your Tarbrush he will happily cook his favourite FOR YOU...

Fact #4 - Get more bang from your Buck... To keep your unit working to optimum capacity, allow plenty of sleep in the mornings and remember the famous adage "A tired Tarbrush is a tetchy Tarbrush".

Fact #5 - This product can comfortably spend hours lazing in front of the TV, watching comedy DVD's, movies or simply channel surfing - however he can be lured away with the promise of 'treats'.

Fact #6 - The BuckTarbrush has an infinite capacity for trivia and 'useful' facts - do not, under any circumstances, pay him any attention when he begins a sentence: "Did you know..."

Fact #7 - Did you know that if you were to weigh all the world's ants and all the world's humans, the ants would be heavier (Just a test but don't say you weren't warned! - see Fact #6 above).

Fact #8 - Inconsiderate behaviour from strangers in the street can lead to unexpected malfunctions (for instance, be wary should the BuckTarbrush open a door to a shop or building and the recipient of this kindly gesture fail to respond with a thank-you) - this item has a highly tuned sarcasm module that he isn't afraid to use when cornered!

Fact #9 - In order to comply with Industry Standard Guidelines, the BuckTarbrush comes with its own totally unique and high specification build / hair / eye combination: athletic, short, gray/green. Additional measurements are available on application.

Fact #10 - This unit will grow under the tender tutelage of anyone possessed of razor sharp wit, a sense of humour and a little wisdom.

Should you have any further questions please don't hesitate to contact us where we will endeavour to help you with your query.

The above list is far from comprehensive - the BuckTarbrush comes with many more fun-packed features far too numerous to mention here.

So what are you waiting for - take this exciting product for a test drive and see if you like its responsiveness...

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